Guide: How to position ourselves and to listen when engaging in Restorative Conversations
The problem is the problem, The person is NEVER the problem
If externalisation of a problem issue is approached purely as a technique, it will probably not produce profound effects. If you don’t believe. That people are not their problems and that their difficulties are social and personal constructions, then you won't be seeing transformations
When you employ genuine enquiry and care when talking with a person, they will be able to tell that you are convinced that people are not their problems. Your voice, posture, and whole being will radiate possibility and hope. You will be under the influence of Optimism (Bill O’Hanlon, 1994)
When listening to people’s stories, we ask ourselves questions like:
What is problematic here?
What is the nature of the problem?
How does it show itself?
What does it feel like for this person to have this problem in their lives?
What is influencing the person so that they think and feel this way?
What is keeping this person from having experiences they would prefer?
In asking ourselves these questions, we are taking the first steps in perceiving problems as separate from people.